Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Toothpaste Talk

Sher Helol frmfi zreands
What...You didn't understand that?
You're thinking, "Damn...either this guy's spell check is out of control or he just really bites the turkey at spelling."

We all speak it. It's that early morning or late night babel we speak to our spouses or yell at our kids when we are brushing our teeth, mouith overfilled with toothpaste and spit .

Lets Talk Toothpaste!

This morning in the shower, I was brushing my teeth [yes, I happen to do that when I'm in the shower] and at the same time, trying to talk to my sweetie while she was doing her make up. I said to her,
"MAbn Ish sstchnik swfoerrrte syweetwarht !"

Want to try and guess what in the fish sticks and jelly I was saying?
NO, I'm sure you don't.

Well, SHE thought I said was saying, "Maude is stealing Ferrite Sweaters?"
My sweetie asked, "Who is Maude and why in the tuna sandwich is she stealing sweaters made from Ferrites?"
(Ferrite sweaters coming soon to an Etsy shop near you, BTW. )

What I really said was, "Man I stink. Sorry, sweetheart."
(and did I )

Realistically, there should be some sort of grunting sounds, sort of like Morse Code...that one might use when trying to communicate while brushing one's teeth. You might need to send 10 box tops away to get some sort of decoder ring to use in order to figure out the grunting and other sounds, but trust me, it will be worth it.
I mean, they made an entire language for Klingons, so why not for toothpaste garble?
No, I am a not a Trekkie. I just know they have their own language. I don't have a set of Spock ears and I don't give the Vulcan high-five when I see my friends...not there is anything wrong with that. I'm just a fan.

Anyway, back to toothpaste garble....Think of the risk our country is taking!
If President Obama is brushing his teeth one morning and, at the same time, talks some toothpaste garble to his cabinet, such as...
"SMcgibikbkiep nesheds a fbinxillon shadallqwers."
The cabinet might think he's saying...
"Mikiep Needs a Billion Dollars."
and actually send out a check for a billion dollars.
In reality, what the President was REALLY saying was..
"Mikiep Needs A Billion Dollars."
No, you read that correctly. I do need it.

So, have a little fun the next time you're talking to the better half with a mouth full of Crest, Colgate, Aim or whatever your favorite cavity fighter of choice is. And maybe try saying,

"Sbbyys qlsets gwut xzfqweeuky."

Don't know what I just said? Well, send away for your secret decoder, 'cuz I not tellin'.

p.s. If the President would like to send me that money, my address is...



janet said...

I love it...Secret Decoder.. like the one in the movie 'A Christmas Story' you are too funny ;-)

Teddy Started It said...

I know someone who can help you with the development of your decoder ring. I've got the world's most inquisitive dental hygienist. As soon as she has the tools in your mouth she starts asking questions. Amazing thing is, she understands toothbrush speak perfectly!

SleightGirl said...

Even my dentist can't understand me when I have stuff in my mouth...


Lol! Ye, why do dentists expect an answer when you have a mouthful of metal instruments or foam!!

janet said...

hello Mikiep..you are under no obligation...but I have an award for your blog.....just check in to accept..it is really ok if you are not into awards ;-)

Kristy's Custom Creations said...

Too funny. Sounds just like dh and me :)

cabin + cub said...

lol! it seems the phone always rings when i have toothpaste in my mouth.. i should start answering it and talking like this next time.

Lisa ( nickname "L" ) said...

That's hilarious! I love your blog it's great!

The Bath Project said...

that was funny...my husband and I play that game all the time...the kids try too but they aren't as good at it as we are lol

Cara said...

Too funny! Good to know I'm not the only one brushing my teeth in the shower.

Post a Comment